#GetOverItSis

9 days before my 28th birthday at 3:36am I could possibly be laying here tossing and turning and BOTHERED by some shit that happened when I was 7๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ lol 

Cancers are known for forgiving but not forgetting but I really wish I would forget some shit!! I’m currently in a situation where a guy clearly wants to date me and has been COMPLETELY honest about his past and endeavors and for the life of me I can’t get over it! Wait, but not only can I not get over it I can’t address it as an adult to try and move forward either! So I’m stuck sulking in it…using my imagination (in the worse way of course) to fill in the blanks! 

This leads me to wonder some things ๐Ÿค” am I accustomed to getting lied to , does the truth hurt more than a lie, and how many great things have I missed out because I couldn’t get over a small detail?? This current situation is literally eating me alive. I asked a question and he told the truth and I can’t seem to gather myself now๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ the silly thing is if he would have lied to me we’d be in a better situation….I mean I wouldn’t be up at 3:48am putting imaginary pieces to an imaginary puzzle together ๐Ÿ˜ฉ which leads me to believe I haven’t found happiness in a man because I haven’t discovered the art of letting go…of getting over shit…of living in my truth and accepting someone else’s!!!

That’s where sabotage comes in, but thats a whole new blog๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ

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Social Media Rehab

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve deactivated Instagram and Facebook and a few hours since I finally let Snapchat go๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ my goal is to completely let go of it for good!! What was once a fun way to interact with strangers and meet new people is now a headache!! Social media has altered reality so now how things are perceived via social media is what others believe is our reality!! 
Our body goals, life goals, travel goals, relationship goals are all influenced by other peoples “social media realities.”
 I read an article somewhere that stated that social media is now a leading cause of depression and other mental health issues!! Children are growing up believing their life is only validated by likes and followers! You can call a friend nowadays and wish them happy birthday and later get chewed out because you didn’t tell them via social media๐Ÿ˜’
I’ve found myself interrupting a perfect moment because I needed to snap real quick ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ And this is not new problem for me…I was using AOL cds to get onto black planet 15 years ago๐Ÿ˜‚ MzBrittney_lsd was my screen name ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ social media has always been fun for me…it’s always been my thing!! But at some point enough is enough. I recently had an incident in a Facebook group were a guy I was talking to got caught in a lie…a grown 30 something year old man at that point gets to name calling and bullying!! …because he’s a bad liar๐Ÿค” it was at that point that I reached my enough point! I had allowed a person that I didn’t know, that meant nothing to me to hurt my feelings, make me question myself, had me defending my character to other people I don’t know!! Wasted time and energy!! Yep, enough is enough!
My goal in the end is to have more meaningful social interactions because right now my social life (outside of traveling) consists of liking and commenting on people’s pictures! There’s a great need to do better. 

Seriously…what are we??

About a week ago i posted a joke on Facebook asking when was the right time to ask “what are we” ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ everyone  answered NEVER!!  So today I’m scrolling and I see a guy that posted a status saying the girls he’s been dating asked him to be her boyfriend but he declined stating that he needs to work on himself and finish getting his life together before committing ๐Ÿค” about 20 comments later I determined that they’ve been doing couple shit…I mean the whole nine sex, dates, etc and the truth was he just wasn’t that in to her!! That’s makes me sad because I’ve been “her” before!! I look at it like this…if your job offers you a position that requires you to have a masters but you’re a few courses away and they know but they see the potential in you so they offer you the position anyway….you wouldn’t decline and say that you aren’t finish working on yourself !!
But there really is no way to get out of the grey area!! Sometimes the vibe in chemistry is perfect but you’re just coasting without a destination!! Titles aren’t everything but it’s great to know if I should be investing and building or just having fun!! I think that misconception fucks things up too…girls can def have fun and date without getting emotionally involved…things just have to be in black and white and the grey areas avoided!! 
I once dated a guy and we damn near lived together…he was either at my place or I was at his, we had movie night atleast once a week, gifted each other with things, and had “next level” sex….but when it came down to it I was crazy for being in my feelings when I found out I was just the homie๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ the truth is it was all my fault!! I never asked…I just assumed because things were so smooth…like I couldnt have asked for a better boyfriend except he wasn’t my boyfriend ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ so basically you have to choose when you’d like to be crazy…in the beginning by asking “what are we” or at the end when you find out he’s just not that into you!! 
It’s very important not to assume that just because someone wants something that the want it with you!!! That same guy preaches the story of him wanting a wife and kids…and I played that role to the best of my ability only for it to not be what he wanted…confused?? Yeah me too๐Ÿ˜ฉ but that’s not the worse part!! When it was time to be honest and face the monster he created (I needed answers) he said that his reason for not wanting more with me was because my tattoos… “my family is really conservative” oh and because i moved from Dallas to New Orleans then back to Dallas…that’s a sign that I’m not stable๐Ÿ˜ ohhhh ok makes sense…or not!!! But I digress๐Ÿ˜ 
I said all that to say…be crazy early on!! Lay guidelines, set expectations, have standards, and believe what he tells you!! You don’t want to end up like #hurtbae loving a man that obviously has no respect for you!! Love yourself so much that a guy has to battle you to get a little of your heart!!! Your relationship with yourself is the best example you can set when it comes to how you want to be treated!! 

Valentine’s Day is stupid…or am I just bitter๐Ÿค”

I’ll take bitter for 500 Alex ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ this year is no different from any other year on Valentine’s Day for me!! I spent the day on airport alert and then I worked a roundtrip to El Paso!! I didn’t have an official valentine but I do kinda like a guy๐Ÿ™ˆ lol Nothing major but I ordered a few things from Amazon that I knew he would like and just so happened (๐Ÿ˜œ) to have it delivered on Valentine’s Day ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚ I think I made his day he wasn’t expecting it and I think he actually liked it!! I mean everyone likes to feel special on days like this (even if the won’t admit it) I finished my trip around 8:30pm and headed to the crashpad. Completely bummed about the day!! Between Instagram and Facebook and all the mushy shit in the airport I was second away from sliding in my exes inbox like “hey bighead, wyd?” ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚  

I eventually linked up with “the guy” only to see there were no flowers, candy, or cards๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ boy was I devastated!! Even tho I had coached myself all day to not expect anything…expecatations still got the best of me๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ I ended up showering and calling it a night!! 

I’m already coming up with my game plan for Valentine’s Day 2018…stay tuned๐Ÿ˜Ž

What is Normal Anyway๐Ÿค”

I thought I was a normal person living a normal life….until I told my story aloud!!

In my mind I’m a normal 27 that had “different” beginnings….apparently there’s nothing normal about me!! 

Born to teenage parents who were essentially products of their environment. I was born on my dads 17th birthday. Unfortunately he had gotten into some trouble a few months before and was  serving a jail sentence for armed robbery or something of that nature. I mean just imagine being 16 with your second kid on the way…I could imagine his back was to the wall and he did what he felt was necessary!! My mom had a few…or a lot of criminal dealings as well. Growing up the child of a drug addict gives you a different kind of tough skin I’m sure!! She too, to my understanding, did the best she could with the circumstances at hand! For a great deal of her life she sold drugs. I actually remember baby food jars being used to “cook up” crack cocaine using a hot plate!! And all the great shit I got as s kid from addicts selling anything for their next hit! 

So I’ve never really lived with my parents…there’s been times when my mom lived with me and my grandma but I don’t ever recall a time were it was just me and mom or me and dad. My grandmother assumed the role, and did a great job if you ask me, of being my mom! She stayed on drugs until I was about 6…it’s crazy because she still tells the story it’s like she just decided she had to change for me no rehab just prayer and a change of setting! We moved from Algiers to Marrero and things were uphill from there!!

Growing up is when I kinda felt different…all of my friends lived with their parents. And to make matters worse I was the only child by my mom so I really didn’t have anyone to relate, no one shared my struggle…that I knew of. I’d say I was a good kid other than the fact that I hated bathing ๐Ÿ˜ฉ seriously baths use to make me itch!! lol I had a routine…I sat on the edge of the tub and washed 1 arm because my grandma would always do the smell check!! Eventually she caught on to me…maybe the crystal clear water gave it away!!๐Ÿ˜‚  it’s safe to say %90 of my whoopings were somehow related to me bathing!! Thank God I grew out of that right ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I was never a popular kid and I’d do anything to make friends! I diagnosed myself with type 2 only child syndrome…main symptom is being socially retarded! lol I was willing to give away anything to gain a friend…snacks, toys, money, you name it!!! But I couldn’t deal with anyone for to long๐Ÿ˜ฉ one summer Ashley came down from Mississippi to stay with us and about a week in I was asking my grandma to tell her to go home๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฉ I just couldn’t deal!! I didn’t do well in competitive situations either…6th grade year I tried out for the dance team back then I was even a more horrible dancer than I am now…of course I didn’t make the team๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜‚ I spent my entire homeroom period crying my eyes out๐Ÿ˜ฉ so my homeroom teacher ended up talking the dance team coach into letting me on the team๐Ÿ˜‚  and in high school I was the first Katrina evacuee to arrive…I’m sure they felt sorry for me so I was asked what I’d like to do…so I became a cheerleader ๐Ÿ˜Ž wasn’t good at that either but I was apart of the team!! 

Working was the first thing I liked and was good at!! I’m one hell of and interviewer and the idea of independence has always been exciting to me! 

To be continued….