9 days before my 28th birthday at 3:36am I could possibly be laying here tossing and turning and BOTHERED by some shit that happened when I was 7🤦🏾♀️ lol
Cancers are known for forgiving but not forgetting but I really wish I would forget some shit!! I’m currently in a situation where a guy clearly wants to date me and has been COMPLETELY honest about his past and endeavors and for the life of me I can’t get over it! Wait, but not only can I not get over it I can’t address it as an adult to try and move forward either! So I’m stuck sulking in it…using my imagination (in the worse way of course) to fill in the blanks!
This leads me to wonder some things 🤔 am I accustomed to getting lied to , does the truth hurt more than a lie, and how many great things have I missed out because I couldn’t get over a small detail?? This current situation is literally eating me alive. I asked a question and he told the truth and I can’t seem to gather myself now🤦🏾♀️ the silly thing is if he would have lied to me we’d be in a better situation….I mean I wouldn’t be up at 3:48am putting imaginary pieces to an imaginary puzzle together 😩 which leads me to believe I haven’t found happiness in a man because I haven’t discovered the art of letting go…of getting over shit…of living in my truth and accepting someone else’s!!!
That’s where sabotage comes in, but thats a whole new blog🤦🏾♀️
About a week ago i posted a joke on Facebook asking when was the right time to ask “what are we” 😩😂 everyone answered NEVER!! So today I’m scrolling and I see a guy that posted a status saying the girls he’s been dating asked him to be her boyfriend but he declined stating that he needs to work on himself and finish getting his life together before committing 🤔 about 20 comments later I determined that they’ve been doing couple shit…I mean the whole nine sex, dates, etc and the truth was he just wasn’t that in to her!! That’s makes me sad because I’ve been “her” before!! I look at it like this…if your job offers you a position that requires you to have a masters but you’re a few courses away and they know but they see the potential in you so they offer you the position anyway….you wouldn’t decline and say that you aren’t finish working on yourself !!
But there really is no way to get out of the grey area!! Sometimes the vibe in chemistry is perfect but you’re just coasting without a destination!! Titles aren’t everything but it’s great to know if I should be investing and building or just having fun!! I think that misconception fucks things up too…girls can def have fun and date without getting emotionally involved…things just have to be in black and white and the grey areas avoided!!
I once dated a guy and we damn near lived together…he was either at my place or I was at his, we had movie night atleast once a week, gifted each other with things, and had “next level” sex….but when it came down to it I was crazy for being in my feelings when I found out I was just the homie😩😂😩😂 the truth is it was all my fault!! I never asked…I just assumed because things were so smooth…like I couldnt have asked for a better boyfriend except he wasn’t my boyfriend 🤦🏾♀️ so basically you have to choose when you’d like to be crazy…in the beginning by asking “what are we” or at the end when you find out he’s just not that into you!!
It’s very important not to assume that just because someone wants something that the want it with you!!! That same guy preaches the story of him wanting a wife and kids…and I played that role to the best of my ability only for it to not be what he wanted…confused?? Yeah me too😩 but that’s not the worse part!! When it was time to be honest and face the monster he created (I needed answers) he said that his reason for not wanting more with me was because my tattoos… “my family is really conservative” oh and because i moved from Dallas to New Orleans then back to Dallas…that’s a sign that I’m not stable😐 ohhhh ok makes sense…or not!!! But I digress😏
I said all that to say…be crazy early on!! Lay guidelines, set expectations, have standards, and believe what he tells you!! You don’t want to end up like #hurtbae loving a man that obviously has no respect for you!! Love yourself so much that a guy has to battle you to get a little of your heart!!! Your relationship with yourself is the best example you can set when it comes to how you want to be treated!!