9 days before my 28th birthday at 3:36am I could possibly be laying here tossing and turning and BOTHERED by some shit that happened when I was 7🤦🏾♀️ lol
Cancers are known for forgiving but not forgetting but I really wish I would forget some shit!! I’m currently in a situation where a guy clearly wants to date me and has been COMPLETELY honest about his past and endeavors and for the life of me I can’t get over it! Wait, but not only can I not get over it I can’t address it as an adult to try and move forward either! So I’m stuck sulking in it…using my imagination (in the worse way of course) to fill in the blanks!
This leads me to wonder some things 🤔 am I accustomed to getting lied to , does the truth hurt more than a lie, and how many great things have I missed out because I couldn’t get over a small detail?? This current situation is literally eating me alive. I asked a question and he told the truth and I can’t seem to gather myself now🤦🏾♀️ the silly thing is if he would have lied to me we’d be in a better situation….I mean I wouldn’t be up at 3:48am putting imaginary pieces to an imaginary puzzle together 😩 which leads me to believe I haven’t found happiness in a man because I haven’t discovered the art of letting go…of getting over shit…of living in my truth and accepting someone else’s!!!
That’s where sabotage comes in, but thats a whole new blog🤦🏾♀️
About a week ago i posted a joke on Facebook asking when was the right time to ask “what are we” 😩😂 everyone answered NEVER!! So today I’m scrolling and I see a guy that posted a status saying the girls he’s been dating asked him to be her boyfriend but he declined stating that he needs to work on himself and finish getting his life together before committing 🤔 about 20 comments later I determined that they’ve been doing couple shit…I mean the whole nine sex, dates, etc and the truth was he just wasn’t that in to her!! That’s makes me sad because I’ve been “her” before!! I look at it like this…if your job offers you a position that requires you to have a masters but you’re a few courses away and they know but they see the potential in you so they offer you the position anyway….you wouldn’t decline and say that you aren’t finish working on yourself !!
But there really is no way to get out of the grey area!! Sometimes the vibe in chemistry is perfect but you’re just coasting without a destination!! Titles aren’t everything but it’s great to know if I should be investing and building or just having fun!! I think that misconception fucks things up too…girls can def have fun and date without getting emotionally involved…things just have to be in black and white and the grey areas avoided!!
I once dated a guy and we damn near lived together…he was either at my place or I was at his, we had movie night atleast once a week, gifted each other with things, and had “next level” sex….but when it came down to it I was crazy for being in my feelings when I found out I was just the homie😩😂😩😂 the truth is it was all my fault!! I never asked…I just assumed because things were so smooth…like I couldnt have asked for a better boyfriend except he wasn’t my boyfriend 🤦🏾♀️ so basically you have to choose when you’d like to be crazy…in the beginning by asking “what are we” or at the end when you find out he’s just not that into you!!
It’s very important not to assume that just because someone wants something that the want it with you!!! That same guy preaches the story of him wanting a wife and kids…and I played that role to the best of my ability only for it to not be what he wanted…confused?? Yeah me too😩 but that’s not the worse part!! When it was time to be honest and face the monster he created (I needed answers) he said that his reason for not wanting more with me was because my tattoos… “my family is really conservative” oh and because i moved from Dallas to New Orleans then back to Dallas…that’s a sign that I’m not stable😐 ohhhh ok makes sense…or not!!! But I digress😏
I said all that to say…be crazy early on!! Lay guidelines, set expectations, have standards, and believe what he tells you!! You don’t want to end up like #hurtbae loving a man that obviously has no respect for you!! Love yourself so much that a guy has to battle you to get a little of your heart!!! Your relationship with yourself is the best example you can set when it comes to how you want to be treated!!
Dear Future Husband,
I hope that you are preparing yourself for me as I am preparing myself for you!! I’ve dreamed of you my entire life….and if you’re reading this then dreams really do come true!! I’d like you to know that I may be difficult, unintentionally of course. I have not yet witnessed love it’s pure form…I have practiced a few times but they weren’t you so it didn’t work! I’ve been a sucker for friends my entire life but I hope you’re ok with being my best friend above all else!! I promise to always laugh at your corny jokes and cheer for your team unless you’re a Cowboys fan…but then again I know God wouldn’t send me a Cowboys fan!! Lol I hope I find you while we are both young enough to have kids…it’s very important to me to have a few kids that have my eyes, your nose, my laugh, your charm, and probably your hair but we can decide on that part later. I like the names Bailey and Brody but I’ll take your input into consideration 😜 but before kids I’d like to travel with you…that’s when I’m my freest self!! The world has so much to offer and I hope that you are willing to take advantage of it with me!! I hope that your into doing dishes….I love cooking but dishes aren’t my strong point!! I enjoy kissing and cuddling and I WIll rub my feet on you when I’m cold!! I hope you enjoy art but also enjoy trap music!! It would be nice if you had a huge family my family is tiny so it would be great to get a feel of the huge family life!! Please choose mayo over miracle whip and be really into seafood!! I’m terrible with budgeting so please know that the family budget is all your job!! I plan on being a flight attendant for the rest of my life so I’ll need you to independent enough to survive when I’m away but dependent enough to need me when I’m home!! Oh, when we have kids please plan to gain weight with me…teamwork baby🤘🏾 I know that you’ll be patient enough with me to get through my bad days….as you’ve be patient enough to find me!! And when I say bad days I mean the days where my only child syndrome gets the best of me or days when I feel fat and I’m just not happy with anything or anyone 😩😂 I know relationships are 50/50 deals but understand that when it comes to driving that will be your job %100 of the time 🤷🏾♀️ If there is ever a point in our relationship that you feel like you want to see other people…talk to me I’m sure we can work it out or if not I can do different wigs, change my accent, and role play!!😂😩 I plan on being your biggest fan in all of your endeavors!! Although society has changed I hope that you still acknowledge gender roles!! I’m not really good at being dependent or submissive but by the time you get to me I’m sure I’ll have it together!! I have no rhythm so I hope you do for the kids sake!! When I fall asleep on the plane understand that it is your job to get me a drink and food…always choose the chicken option!! I look forward to connecting with you mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally!! I understand that your past is your past….but when you’re ready for me just be sure you’re done with them!! In my mind you’re so strong, so brave, so caring ,so bold….with just the right amount of sensitive!! I pray that we’ll be equally yoked. Do know that there’s no way out…there’s no quitting , giving up, giving in, or getting tired!! No breaks, no recess, no intermission….just consider me your forever fight!! I haven’t met you but I can already tell I love you more than anything in the world!!
Your Future Wife
I thought I was a normal person living a normal life….until I told my story aloud!!
In my mind I’m a normal 27 that had “different” beginnings….apparently there’s nothing normal about me!!
Born to teenage parents who were essentially products of their environment. I was born on my dads 17th birthday. Unfortunately he had gotten into some trouble a few months before and was serving a jail sentence for armed robbery or something of that nature. I mean just imagine being 16 with your second kid on the way…I could imagine his back was to the wall and he did what he felt was necessary!! My mom had a few…or a lot of criminal dealings as well. Growing up the child of a drug addict gives you a different kind of tough skin I’m sure!! She too, to my understanding, did the best she could with the circumstances at hand! For a great deal of her life she sold drugs. I actually remember baby food jars being used to “cook up” crack cocaine using a hot plate!! And all the great shit I got as s kid from addicts selling anything for their next hit!
So I’ve never really lived with my parents…there’s been times when my mom lived with me and my grandma but I don’t ever recall a time were it was just me and mom or me and dad. My grandmother assumed the role, and did a great job if you ask me, of being my mom! She stayed on drugs until I was about 6…it’s crazy because she still tells the story it’s like she just decided she had to change for me no rehab just prayer and a change of setting! We moved from Algiers to Marrero and things were uphill from there!!
Growing up is when I kinda felt different…all of my friends lived with their parents. And to make matters worse I was the only child by my mom so I really didn’t have anyone to relate, no one shared my struggle…that I knew of. I’d say I was a good kid other than the fact that I hated bathing 😩 seriously baths use to make me itch!! lol I had a routine…I sat on the edge of the tub and washed 1 arm because my grandma would always do the smell check!! Eventually she caught on to me…maybe the crystal clear water gave it away!!😂 it’s safe to say %90 of my whoopings were somehow related to me bathing!! Thank God I grew out of that right 😩😂😩😂
I was never a popular kid and I’d do anything to make friends! I diagnosed myself with type 2 only child syndrome…main symptom is being socially retarded! lol I was willing to give away anything to gain a friend…snacks, toys, money, you name it!!! But I couldn’t deal with anyone for to long😩 one summer Ashley came down from Mississippi to stay with us and about a week in I was asking my grandma to tell her to go home😩😂😩 I just couldn’t deal!! I didn’t do well in competitive situations either…6th grade year I tried out for the dance team back then I was even a more horrible dancer than I am now…of course I didn’t make the team😩😂 I spent my entire homeroom period crying my eyes out😩 so my homeroom teacher ended up talking the dance team coach into letting me on the team😂 and in high school I was the first Katrina evacuee to arrive…I’m sure they felt sorry for me so I was asked what I’d like to do…so I became a cheerleader 😎 wasn’t good at that either but I was apart of the team!!
Working was the first thing I liked and was good at!! I’m one hell of and interviewer and the idea of independence has always been exciting to me!
To be continued….
*Update 2/16/17* I started this blog when I had a normal job and was traveling just for fun…I’ve since became a flight attendant with a regional airline!! I’ve continued to travel and I’ve attempted to date😂 but I still prefer window seats!!
Hi guys! *super huge smile* So I started my official ‘Solo Travel Journey’ February 2012 and I’ve been many places and have met MANY beautiful people ever since. I’m starting this blog for those that are interested in my travel and for those that share the same passion for travel as me 🙂 I’ll share all my tips and tricks and how I’ve been able to afford traveling once a month every month for 4 years now on an average (or below lol) salary!! I’ll also talk about my life as a single woman and my always fun, interesting, and sometimes crazy Tinder dates…and my love for couponing!! Thanks for stopping by…our journey will begin soon!